Wednesday, July 19

How a NYC Waitress Knows it's Summer PART 4

1) Guest: "Excuse moi, Excuse moi (within a second of sitting down and sometimes followed by a snap or wave)...uh, drinks?"
2) Campari soda
3) Guest: "Are those numbers next to the drinks the ounces?" Waitress: "No, sir, they are the prices." Guest: "Thanks..just give us a few minutes." (The guests secretly sneak out the back door).
4) Setting: cool summer night, raining (pouring actually) at an outdoor bar. Waitress: "Um, we are actually closing due to weather." Guest: "What do you mean?...It's beautiful and where else can we have campari and soda and smoke?"
5) Setting: Busy Saturday night club. Two guests push their way to the bar. Guest: "Espresso?"
6) Campari and orange juice
7) This is what your check looks like:

4 Campari
2 Gin Tonic
Bottle of Champagne

Amount: Yes, it is expensive, but you are in New York
Tip: blank....
Total: same as amount..thanks

8) Waitress: "Sir, you must put your shirt back on." Guest: "But it is so darn hot here, and I ain't got anymore clothes left at my hotel."
9) Guest: "Could you also bring us 12 tap waters with lemon with our drinks too?...Actually just cancel the cocktails...the water will be great!"
10) Guest: "You're so come to Paris to see me, yes?" Waitress: "No" Guest: "You're so funny! You come to Paris. It will be good. Yes?" Waitress: "No" Guest: "I send you plane ticket. You come to Paris."
11) Guest: "Miss, do you have a cigarette?" Waitress: "No, I don't" Guest: "Will you go bum one for me?" Waitress: "Well, I guess...let me go check." Waitress returns with a cigarette that she painfully had to bum off of another guest...she hands to the guest. Guest: "We actually need a few more....could you go run out and buy us a pack...I'll give you a dollar."
12) Guest: "Do you have any nuts, nibbles or anything?" Waitress: "No, nothing. Just cocktails." Guest: "No bread, pretzels..nothing???" Waitress: "No, so sorry." Guest: "That is ridiculous, just so awful...(blah blah mean rants and server insults, blah blah)."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

save the money on the flight to paris and just leave me a g*&^%d*&mn tip, ok? would someone educate the european population on us tipping policy?

6/30/2006 12:23 PM  

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